...................Words and thoughts that are mine
Monday, April 12, 2010
We had a great weekend out at Shippensburg University. Josh wrestled in the Western Regional MAWA Tournament, a qualifier for the Eastern Nationals. The top 4 get to go from each Regional , and Josh finished 2nd. Losing a heartbreaker in the finals. I am so glad that for a few hours we could forget about how much stress we are under. Jobless since October , it is wearing us down. We try and keep our heads up, but daily it gets a little harder. Today the Unemployment benefits run out and if Congress does not extend them this week, we may not have any benefits coming in. I start school on May 3, and hopefully can find work in June as soon as I complete my course. I hope this all works out and the extension comes thru. It is hard to think that we could be months away from being homeless, and losing a great deal that we have worked for. I try not to cry, I always try and smile around Josh and I don't want him to feel the stress. I don't know anyone personally that is the same boat , but I know there are many out there. I really hope we can all come thru this, but I know some of us won't. All I do know is I will do everything I can to make sure Josh is ok. He is the best , he is my world. I love him so very very much. I want to see his dreams and hopes come true.
You had a tough time on the mat this weekend and the ride home was pretty quiet. I admit I was very disappointed but I later came to realize that I shouldn’t be and that it is all part of the journey you are taking.
When I watch you on the mat I worry that you are doing battle while unprepared and that I have failed in your preparation. As a parent that is my greatest fear, that you are unprepared to face the challenges that will come before you. I want you to be prepared for your match, but I’ve come to realize that it is the matches themselves that, are in the long run, win or lose, the things that ARE preparing you.
I think that the greatest benefit from wrestling is learning to face challenges and to demand the most from yourself. You learn to fight when you think there is no more fight left within you. You learn to get up after you’ve fallen, time and time again. You learn about sacrifice and about pain. You learn to endure and to overcome. This is what I want for you, not because I wrestled, but because these lessons are the true gifts of this sport. So, those losses today were actually part of this gift, and an important part of the journey.
My dream for you is to not just win championships and fill your room with medals. My dream for you is much greater and I hope you get much more from wrestling. I hope you learn to strive for greatness even if you fail in the attempt. I hope you learn to get up one more time when you think you can’t get up any longer. I hope you learn to not only face your fears, but to stare them down.
Wrestling isn’t about winning. It is about the desire to win. It isn’t about success, but rather the determination to succeed. I want you to succeed as a wrestler, not to win state championships, but I want you to be a successful wrestler so you learn to be all that you can. This sport can help teach you that, if you let it. I look forward to the seasons of our future as you go through these lessons and I’ll be in your corner for each and every one of them. I love you.
It is amazing that I clicked on my blog today, and much to my surprise it has been almost a year since I last blogged. That is about when I started with Facebook, and lost my time to write on my blog. I have to say I miss writing here. It was my place to come and escape for a bit and let my typed words flow. I think today will start a new day in my blogging. Not sure how much I will get to write, but glad to find my old home here again.
It is funny reading about Josh going to War in my last post, since tomorrow we leave again for War @ the Shore. Josh has had another leaps and bounds year in wrestling. He made it to Pa States this year , known as PJWs. He took 4th Place there , and that is amazing for his first trip out there. He wrestled 3 matches on Friday and won them by a Pin in 1:05, 3 - 2 , and 9 - 2 . On Saturday he had his semi final match and lost 6-2 . The boy who beat him won 1st place. He wrestled his next match and won 2-0 , and that put him in the match for 3rd and 4th Place, which he lost in 5 periods. He lost by the flip of the coin.
Things are on a day by day basis right now. It is rough, Kate has been out of work since Oct 1, 2009 and no real hope of anything yet. It is scarey thinking she may not find work. I just closed my online store, due to lack of income. I will start my CNA program on May 3, 2010 and am looking forward to this. We hope we can hold on to our home, it is scarey not knowing if we will be able to keep it. It isn't much , but we have worked hard the past 12 years and would hate to lose it now.
All this uncertainty is very stressful, it isn't good for a relationship I know that. I feel very closed in , I feel I have no "me" time. I am lonely , sad and lost right now. I hate feeling any of these things.
I have to say I am so blessed to have Josh, he is my bright light in my life. I love him more then I ever thought humanly possible. He is my word and I would do anything for him. I am so glad to see him working very hard to be a good boy, a good student and a good wrestler. He is a very amazing little boy.
So no matter what happens, as long as I have him and we can make it thru , everything will be ok.
The next few weeks are going to be a bit crazy, but it is a nice way to take our minds off our worries. This weekend we go to Wildwood NJ for War @ the Shore, then we are off to MAWA Regionals, then to Tenn , for AAU Nationals, where Josh will wrestle for Team PA. It will also be the first time that Grandpa gets to see Josh wrestle live. Josh is very excited. Then we go to OHIO for the Tournament of Champions, where Josh will wrestle for Individual and Team honors.
"One of the most stringent conditions all angels must meet, other than double-advanced harp playing and skydiving abilities (not necessarily at the same time), is that they must not allow themselves to feel hurt or rejected by the choices made by others, no matter how much they've done for them nor how great their love.