Well it has been an interesting few days.
Kate flew out to see her Mom this weekend , so it was just Josh and I . I thought we would do a few fun things together and just hang out a little. I knew Josh would be missing Mommy and I was looking forward to spoiling him a bit . Well the best layed plans can go so wrong. First I have been fighting a cold this week , so I am a little worn down. Then Josh started getting it too, coughing a bit and I could tell he was not feeling all that great. Well Friday rolled around and we said goodbyes to Mommy , Josh went to school and I started my day. Then came the paper I pulled out of Josh's backpack ...."Josh poked a student with a pencil" Josh proceeded to explain that the other child gluesticked his desk. I called the teacher , we talked. She is VERY good. I was made aware that she has told the children she didn't want any "tattletailing" Now to a six year old...that means telling on anyone. So Josh said he didn't tell her about the gluesticking , because that would be tattletailing. So I have tried to explain the difference , and the teacher will also on Monday. We also talked about it not being acceptable to poke someone with a pencil.
It is so hard to teach all this stuff, it was difficult to explain the difference between tattletailing and telling the teacher things she needs to know . I hope I covered it . It is such a fine line. Alot for his little mind I am sure.
Josh has been having a bit of a problem making good decisions lately. I have noticed a little "rebel" coming out. He has not been listening as well as usual. (not that it was perfect) but it just slowly has been getting worse. This weekend being alone with him just magnified it somewhat. Being the only parent , no one else but him and I together ...no one else to take a shift really made it the big picture. I would ask him to do something and he would either ignore me or just keep doing what he was doing , or argue about what I wanted him to do . I would ask him nicely about 3 or 4 times ....then and only if I would yell would he even move. I just hate to yell , I end up feeling so low everytime I have to yell to get his attention. Do you ever just break down crying once you are alone ? Do you just feel like the worse parent in the world ? Do you think you will never just be able to get thru? I felt all those things this weekend. I just wanted to crawl in a hole , I couldn't tell Josh how bad I was hurting . I had no one to really bounce it off from.
I don't know how single parents do it. It just would suck. I don't ever want to be one.
Now Josh is in bed , asleep hopefully having sweet , sweet dreams. I love him soooooooooooo much . I want him to always know that , and I hope he does. He told me today that I was always fair, even when I had to send him to his room . He was so damn cute. At one point today after he had a time out , he came out and said ...Mom I miss you . Now we had been together all day , but I know what he was saying. So I know tommorrow is a whole new day and I know he will try hard tommorrow to do the things we talked about.
I can only hope that the lessons he is learning now are easier learned now rather then later. I know it is frigin hard on me . It actually sucks being the parent when you have to punish them. I wish they would just "get it" so we didn't have to .
I think I will go use some of this energy for good and organize my scraproom.