...................Words and thoughts that are mine
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Family is just got to be the best thing ever created...
and if you had said that to me in my 20's I would have laughed at you and asked what planet you were from. So much has changed in the past 20 years. So much for the good ! I have two of the most wonderful people in my life that you could ever ask for . Kate accepts me for who I am . She might not like everything about me , but never tries to change me no matter how much she would probably like me to sometimes. I love her for that ! She is absolutely the one person I can depend on to be there if everyone else wasn't . ( no pressure or anything !) Josh...well I just can't remember much of my life before him. I remember aching so bad because I wanted him in my life. Much before he was even here I had dreams of him daily. I wanted to be the best Mom ever. Now knowing that just isn't going to happen. You can only do the best you can do. I try to give Josh all the love I can on a daily basis, and some days I wish I could give him more...but must admit his demands on me somedays are more then I can give. Those times when he won't give me 5 minutes to myself. Those days when he has done everything possible to make my hair stand up and clench my fist . Those are the days , at the end when all are quiet that I sometimes just lay in bed and cry because I feel I have failed as "the best mom" . Then the next days come and he is telling me he loves me, telling me I am the best mom in the whole wide world. He says thank you for everything and please. I have to be honest , I cherish all those days , because if I didn't have both kinds I am not sure I would grow as a Mom. I just love having him with me everyday so much . I miss him when he is gone even for a couple hours. These are my thoughts today . Still in a bit of a funk and trying to figure things out. I think sometimes funks help me sort out all that I have consumed and gives me reason to sort some thoughts , that need sorting. Take some pics of the everyday today !
"One of the most stringent conditions all angels must meet, other than double-advanced harp playing and skydiving abilities (not necessarily at the same time), is that they must not allow themselves to feel hurt or rejected by the choices made by others, no matter how much they've done for them nor how great their love.