Thursday, July 13, 2006
Family is just got to be the best thing ever created...
and if you had said that to me in my 20's I would have laughed at you and asked what planet you were from. So much has changed in the past 20 years. So much for the good ! I have two of the most wonderful people in my life that you could ever ask for . Kate accepts me for who I am . She might not like everything about me , but never tries to change me no matter how much she would probably like me to sometimes. I love her for that ! She is absolutely the one person I can depend on to be there if everyone else wasn't . ( no pressure or anything !)
Josh...well I just can't remember much of my life before him. I remember aching so bad because I wanted him in my life. Much before he was even here I had dreams of him daily. I wanted to be the best Mom ever. Now knowing that just isn't going to happen. You can only do the best you can do. I try to give Josh all the love I can on a daily basis, and some days I wish I could give him more...but must admit his demands on me somedays are more then I can give. Those times when he won't give me 5 minutes to myself. Those days when he has done everything possible to make my hair stand up and clench my fist . Those are the days , at the end when all are quiet that I sometimes just lay in bed and cry because I feel I have failed as "the best mom" . Then the next days come and he is telling me he loves me, telling me I am the best mom in the whole wide world. He says thank you for everything and please.
I have to be honest , I cherish all those days , because if I didn't have both kinds I am not sure I would grow as a Mom. I just love having him with me everyday so much . I miss him when he is gone even for a couple hours.
These are my thoughts today . Still in a bit of a funk and trying to figure things out. I think sometimes funks help me sort out all that I have consumed and gives me reason to sort some thoughts , that need sorting.
Take some pics of the everyday today !